Three Times
by Zerousy
Summary: Peter Pan went to see young Rumple 3 times while the boy slept before he decided he was more than happy with his choice to abandon him. Set after the shadow takes Rumple away.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own OUAT, make no profits off this, purely fiction. nuff said!

**Title:** Three Times

**Date started:** 12/28/13

**Date finished:** 12/28/13

**Summary:** Peter Pan went to see young Rumple 3 times while the boy sleept before he decided he was more than happy with his choice to abandon him. Set after the shadow takes Rumple away.

**Charaters:** Peter Pan, Rumpelstiltskin

**Author's Note:** Just a oneshot. Had it in my head before thanksgiving and decided to just get it out. The thought occurred right after the episode where we figured out Pan's relationship with Rumple. You can thank **LotornoMiko** for the push to actually write this plot bunny out.

**[Peter P.O.V.]**

It's been about three weeks since I last laid eyes on the lad that I willingly gave up. Three weeks since I forced him to live without me because honestly, I was never meant to be a father. Still, I couldn't resist the urge to simply make sure that Rumple had ended up in a safe environment. Granted I didn't necessarily have to care anymore, being a boy once more with no rules to live by but my own but the gut instinct to make sure one's offspring was okay still lingered at tad bit. I can still see the tears in his eyes as he begged me to not leave him. The sound of his quivering voice as he screamed for me to not give him up still echoed in my ears. Even if the sound was only a faint noise now that whispered in my mind. I guess on some level I still cared about him. I took the time to raise him for those first few years; obviously I must have cared about him enough to keep him for such a long time.

Sitting on his bed watching him sleep was interesting. Looking upon his still sorrowful face right now I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if I hadn't have given him up and was still able to make myself young once more. Would I have treated him like a brother instead of a father since no one in Neverland ever ages? Or would I have simply been a friend to him? There was always the possibility that I may have not bothered with him at all as well if he was able to stay. But alas, keep him I could not. I craved my youth and eternal life far more than I craved the responsibilities of a grown up.

However, as I look at his face right now that had the remnants of dried tears staining his soft cheeks I knew that he was forever going to be a reminder that I truthfully was not a young boy anymore. Those eyes of his reminded me too much of his mothers, the woman I thought I loved only to be proved that I didn't. It was a quickly fleeting lustful urge that resulted in the child before me and what made matters worse was that she had to go and die during childbirth, leaving me to take the responsibility of parenthood when I was nowhere near ready nor wanted it. This child took my time, required my protection and every bit of comfort I had. That left no room for me to be selfish and I could only devote myself to him, forcing me to grow up and become the "man" I used to be. Being in Neverland allowed me to not only be free of him and the responsibility that came with him but also the memory of being an adult.

So I look at this boy and think only of happy thoughts. Being free of Rumple is the best feeling I could have since the first time I was a child myself. I am free, I am my own king, I have no need for anything because I have everything I always wanted in Neverland. I'll never grow up, old and die. I want for nothing.

So why do I feel the need to still keep my eye on him? That's the thing a parent would do and I'm no longer his parent. Those sisters that have him now can provide more for him than I ever could. They are more than worthy of being surrogate mothers for him. But still, why the desire to see him safe? I know he's in perfect hands yet it still astounds me after three weeks of being free of him for good and getting everything I wanted I can't help myself but still _care _for him.

Without even knowing it I suddenly realized that my hand was touching his head. As I jerked my hand away I could understand why I'd done it in the first place. He'd started crying in his sleep and out of habit I had used to comfort him by petting his head and telling him it was only nightmares that plagued his thoughts while he'd slept. Only now instead of night terrors it was memories of that day when I banished him from my life because he kept softly whispering "Papa," over and over again. He was calling out to me, begging me to not leave him.

Strangely it did affect me deep in my gut. There were definitely still feelings for him inside me. I'd be lying only to myself if I said otherwise. It was probably guilt. I can admit it, if only to me, that giving him up that day may have been the happiest of my life, but it was also the most heart wrenching of days I'd ever had. Tears had stained my vision for a few moments as I watched my boy being taken by my shadow back to the Enchanted Forest. He was the only one that believed in me, that loved me even for all my faults and I was sending him away to live my dream.

Deciding that if there was only one thing I could do to comfort him at the moment, though I completely feel not obliged to do so, I'd still do it to honor that love he once held for me. Honor the loyalty he gave freely to me simply for being his father. Creeping down upon my knees I brought my lips over his ear to whisper softly so not even the gods themselves could hear me. "Even though I gave you up, Rumple, know that deep down I still loved you even as I sent you away. Even as I grow used to not having you there is still a part of me cares. Don't cry, laddie."

Almost as if by magic, as ironic as that would be, his whimpers stopped and he continued to sleep peacefully. He was silent now and no longer shed tears. With a sense of accomplishment I stood up only to feel somewhat woozy. Looking down at my hands since a tingling had started there I stared in horror as my hands appeared to be aging, even if only a little.

Quickly I ripped myself away from Rumple as far as I could and suddenly realized my mistake. I was not in Neverland right now and the power I held came from there. Knowing that I was a father was different than actually being a father. What I just did could have cost me everything I held dear simply because I wished to repay what I felt a debt to someone. Someone who just happened to be my son, the physical reminder that I was once an adult. Doing anything that seemed like the "adult" thing to do could affect the magic that keeps me young and powerful. I can't afford to change back into that worthless man again! I REFUSE to go back to being 'Malcom' again!

Raising my eyes I couldn't help but glare at the small child that lay in his bed. He was _always_ a weakness of mine. That's why I gave him up, so I wouldn't have any weaknesses. I'm Peter Pan and Peter Pan has _no_ weaknesses. I'm the boy that'll live forever and as I've said before, children can't have children. 'And quite frankly, I don't WANT children,' I thought. I'd rather be a child than return to that pathetic excuse of a life.

Once again the tingling sensation returned but this time instead of making my hands older, they returned to the youthful teenage hands I'd had but moments ago. The power of Neverland's magic returned to me once more but stronger now that the promise I'd made to myself three weeks ago his stronger since my belief in my selfishness has increased. Inspecting my hands for a moment more I grinned darkly as I realized what I had to do to keep this from happening again.

With lightening speed, I flashed out of the room as if I was never there, determined to never return to see the lad again. I was confident that I had gotten him out of my system.

* * *

Alas, I've apparently lied to myself since I'm once again standing in Rumple's room as he sleeps. It's been well over three months since my last visit. I've been sitting here for roughly two hours already in the darkness of the room in the corner, as far away from Rumple as possible. It's not that I fear another slip will happen like last time. I'm positive that as the past months have gone on all traces of _caring_ for him have slipped away from me. I've been happier than I've ever been and I've actually stopped thinking about him at all moments. It's almost like he was never in my life to begin with.

So why have I returned? It's actually really simple. I've come to rub it in his face, sort of, that I've got lots of "Lost Boys" now. It was the most recent addition that came when I played my pipes that even trudged up the memory of Rumple. They look similar enough that I had for a second mistaken him to be Rumple but this boy was actually some years older. So I figured a good gloating was in order.

"You know Rumple, I've acquired quite the herd of boys who share my opinions on never growing up. They like running around and doing what they want with no parents to bother them. Of course they have to do what I tell them to but they don't mind. I'm the best thing that ever happened to them they say." I paused a moment to see if Rumple would wake up. Of course he didn't. I'd just put a sleeping spell on him but one can never be too careful, especially after my last visit here.

Deciding I had nothing to hold me back I stood up from the wooden stool I had been sitting on and walked around the room. It was vacant except for an old spinning wheel and a few straw dolls, none of which I noticed were 'Peter Pan's' replacement. There was one with a red jacket and one that had no jacket at all but had a face painted on it. The rest of the room was just empty space and hard wooden floors. Of course the spinster sisters were not rich, they lived on the bare minimum as it was so toys for Rumple were not on their high to get list. But you have to admire someone who takes pride in their trade.

As I looked upon Rumple I noticed that I couldn't help but gloat that I everything I wanted while he would never get what he wanted. "I've got everything I want. I have the power to take whatever I want. You? I'm not sorry to say that you'll never get everything you'll want. If you ever grow up to be like me you'll run away from all your problems. Strangely enough I feel that we won't be so different when you're older. But unlike me you'll never get the one thing you want because everyone will do what I did. They'll abandon you because you'll forever have this fear of it." I realized I was getting off track. There was no need for me to stay here longer than I planned.

"But I didn't come here to talk about stuff like that. I simply came to tell you about the Lost Boys. In fact the only reason I even came to see you tonight is because I got this new kid who I thought was you. Of course I realized that my pipes would never work on drawing you in because you're exactly what I don't want. But the likeness he had of you from a sheer glance was astounding. I almost sent him away. That was until I got a glance of the violent side of him as he started picking a fight with another boy by the name of Felix. And let's just say what a sight that was! What can I say? Boys will be boys, right?" I laughed quietly as Rumple continued to sleep.

Of course since he could hear me but he thought he was dreaming he started whimpering. The sound brought a great sense of joy to me because I felt no guilt whatsoever at telling him these things that hurt him deeply. It was official; I no longer cared for the boy. Any strip of tenderness or protectiveness I had once held deep in my heart for him was gone, not even an echo of it remained. The tears starting to run from his eyes affected me not in the slightest of ways. I was exactly who I wanted to be and in the position I wanted to be in and him having no part in my life was the key. I was glad to have him gone.

So why not rub it in a little more before I leave? The idea of rubbing salt into Rumple's metaphorical wound brought a dark smile to my face. "I have to tell you though; the boy didn't stand a chance against Felix. Felix just picked up his club that he'd brought with him and started hitting him until he was black and blue in the face. I officially consider him my best friend because he understands what I do and why I do it. In fact, he encourages it. He's like the brother I never had. He definitely has earned his place among my group of Lost Boys. I'd almost consider him _family_."

I knew that last word struck Rumple hard. The sobbing in his sleep that followed only enforced that theory. I was about to say more but the sound of the spinster sisters heading this way spoiled my fun so I left quickly, removing the sleeping spell as I went. As I flew away back to Neverland to join my lost boys I couldn't help but think I'd finally gotten rid of the little brat. Surely I'd have no desire to see him again. I'd more than likely never see another Lost Boy that would even remotely resemble Rumple to trigger the memory of him. Granted the name I take now would always be a reminder itself of the Lad but it'd be a good reminder because it was a child that made the name up and a child I would forever remain. Personally I thought it suit me just fine.

* * *

What can I say? I definitely didn't know myself as well as I thought I did because it's officially been a year since I've seen Rumple and here I am again, watching him sleep in his room. He's gotten a little taller I noticed but other than that nothing has changed. His room is just as bare as before and nothing new has been added. This time I am standing right by his bed staring at him with an expressionless face. I was here for a reason and I knew this would be the last time I came to him with no doubt about it.

I've not come to visit because I miss him. Oh no, I could never miss him. I've not come to visit him because of some sense of responsibility because that left me as soon as my first visit was over. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love the power I have and giving up Rumple was worth it all. No, what I've come for this time is very different that the first two visits, though the result may end the same as last time and I could care less if he cried his eyes out. I've actually come here knowing for a while that not only would tonight be the last night I'd ever go to see him, it'd be the night I finally said what needed to be said on my part. I needed to say something that I hadn't realized until recently just how true my thoughts of the matter were.

There was no point in stalling so I just decided to get on with it. I didn't care for his feelings at all and I couldn't stand to be near him another second that I had to. So I stood still for a second, placed a sleeping spell on him and spoke what was on my mind. "I've had a while to ponder this over Rumple and I've finally come to the conclusion of what's been on my mind. So I'm going to tell you so you don't misunderstand me and cry out for me because I'm never coming back for you. I never loved you." I waited a second to see what his reaction would be. There was no change in his demeanor so it was either possible that he already came to this conclusion or he was in shock.

Either way it didn't matter but I wasn't done saying what I needed to be clear. "It's true. Sure I had some sense to care for you, as most parents tended to do towards their offspring. But truly? I never truly loved you at all. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and finally I realized exactly why that is. I never wanted you first off. So you popping into the picture ruined all the plans I'd ever laid out to myself. Then when you did come into the world I just looked at you and realized my future was gone. All my money was gone. This little person was taking everything I cared about away from me, even my youth and energy. That's why it was so easy to give into that temptation of giving you up. It wasn't temptation at all; it was complete freedom and a ticket back to how things should have been for me."

Slowly I started walking around the room, patiently listening to any sounds he was going to make. I wasn't disappointed to hear the soft whimpers. Sparing a glance in his direction I saw that he was indeed crying but not like the last time. This time it almost seemed like the time apart from each other made him understand that I was nowhere near father material. A lesson he was good to have learned. So I decided to finish up with this, to get him out of my mind once and for all because I simply didn't care for him at all enough to even think of him. Forgetting was so much better and so much more worthy of my time. "You ruined my life Rumple. Getting rid of you was me taking it back. Don't bother shedding tears over me; I'm never coming back for you."

With that I left him for the final time, never to look back, never to think of him again. He wasn't my problem anymore. He wasn't the ghost that haunted my mind. I was finally, and completely free of him.


End file.
